Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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