I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
