dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
