All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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