He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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