He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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