she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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