He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
