It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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