i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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