Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
