so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
