mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
