Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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