honey bunches of taint.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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