Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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