Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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