I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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