This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
