Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i was born a porn star she said
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
