Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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