dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
