I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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