Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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