Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
