Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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