I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
