Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
