I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
