It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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