SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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