just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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