you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
