Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
