My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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