You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
