when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
