Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
