wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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