That's intense
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
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There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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