So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize