Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
