Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
