remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
