He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
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How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
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Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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