I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
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His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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