There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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