Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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