I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
