Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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