I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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