You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Randomize
