New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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