my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
