Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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