we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
