sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
