A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
