someone get that fucking seahorse.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
