Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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