youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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