what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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