if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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