Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
