i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
