how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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