i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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