Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
