I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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