just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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